Tuesday, April 28, 2009

"When you're finished here, you can come over to my place..."

I can't count the number of times, when a woman has seen me pushing a broom or a vacuum at the store and jokingly said: "When you're finished here you can come over to my place and do my house too..."

It happens alltha-time...

At this point I normally stutter something unintelligible and smile. Later, I find myself mumbling under my breath about another wasted opportunity gone awry.

Lately, the new me (Post Ireland) has been attempting a solution. When the situation arises, (...and it does frequently because most people think it is original and witty...) I now reply with: "Well, perhaps if you take me to dinner and a movie first; maybe we can work something out..."

The older women (mostly my little 'ol lady fan club from Church) giggle and grab my arm as if they're making for the door right then and there!

Women at or near my age smile and flirt back; but as yet no-one has taken me up on the offer....

They can't really complain obviously because they initiate the conversation in the first place. Even married women. I just love turning things back to them the most. It puts them on their heals and if they have any moral character at all they back peddle at light speed.

No worries here of course, because I do have moral character and would never agree to a situation like that going any further. I'm sure I could save us both by stuttering myself out of it with a blush at any rate.

The guys in the back room are going to start a pool to see which happens first: Someone makes a date with me; or someone slaps me. The odds seem to be in favor of me getting slapped.

Hopefully, the right woman will walk in someday and I'll take on another cleaning job gratis.

Until then I'm working on getting my kids to let me date again. Oh Yeah, didn't I tell you? I'm on probation. It seems I'm easier to live with, when I'm not in one of the emotion-sucking-vortexes which I tend to tumble into.

Remember those black and white spinning circles at the beginning of the twilight zone? I don't, honest I don't. I'm just doin' my job here. Pushin' my broom. Vacuumin' this here rug.

When I'm finished here....