As I age I have come to realize that there is a fine line between optimism and masochism.

When does devotion become obsession?

Is it enough to know what might make you happy and never attain it?

Can that be consolation enough?

Just when does hope become pathetic?

When does the passage of time make patience a hindrance?

There's a poem in here somewhere.

obeedúid~
04/june/09

Do you ever sleep?!?!***

Not much.

I am a creative being and statistically I have lived more than two-thirds of my life already. I have allot to do and accomplish. The way I see it, the rest of my life rest will consist of creating and being creative. For my children, their children and to the glory of God.

~


Today is the day of Alan's big W.W.Christman Shindig! Activities at the preserve and a Gathering/Reading at Smitties around 8 o'clock. Christman's preserve is limited to family and invited guests. The Gathering/Reading has been advertised and is open to the public.

That may be you!


~

I finally managed to finish a few pieces for our show that are up to my standards. I glommed one piece that Barb loved from a previous show; and I created a piece I will someday post about my Grandmother and her REAL story; and after some techie-wrangling with Tom Carrado's help I was able to complete a slide show of a poem that appears in the previous posting with a soundtrack that will not be heard anywhere else but on my sites.

~

I didn't do a mass mailing the last posting because...

I am aware that because I post so frequently many of you treat my links as spam. So from this post forward I will be sending links out infrequently. You can follow this blog if you prefer by doing so in the new link in my sidebar. If you blog yourself you can follow by a Feeder. Otherwise copying the address into your bookmarks or adding a link to your toolbar will do too.

If you prefer to continue to receive links I will set up a list for those of you who wish to continue to receive updates as I have always sent them out before.

I just don't want to bombard anyone. The site will remain current, I will continue to evolve, but there are enough hits and services that I am listed on so that traffic will continue to this site.

This is an effort to please.

obeedúid~
01/june/09

(***Bill Hamm to me after I posted once after 11pm and again around 7am indicating I was more than likely awake past 12 re-editing and up before 5 or 6 writing a new post....)

The gift of the my faith.

"The gift of faith is being able to trust God and encourage others to trust God, no matter the circumstances."

I admit it, I don't always do this. I try, but allot of times this can lead me into just going along living life and figuring God has the wheel and I don't have to worry about it.

Well, that ain't always true. Sometimes you gotta lift your head up and watch where you're goin'. Especially if you don't know the road you're on or you're sittin' in the passenger seat.

Sometimes it don't matter if you're lookin' or not; but you gotta look anyways.

That's what I've been told anyway.

~

The gift of my faith is the thing that keeps me goin'.

When I've had a week like I just went through it is tempting to get depressed and withdraw.

Because I have the gift of my faith I persevere. I do things that keep me from sitting on the couch watching "The Biggest Whatever is BIG this week." Some people find it helpful to watch others, make fun of them and in some way feel superior to them in doing so.

Doesn't work for me.

If one thing isn't working I try another. The Pneumatic Thoughtform Project was a bust last week, but I won't abandon it entirely. I'll come back to it in time 'till I get it right.

In the meantime, when the Gift and the Spirit move me... I gotta share:

I wish I had a better voice that was more suited to narration, but alas, I cannot speak in tongues...

Maybe this isn't my best work either, but I'm sure it will lead me there...

I gotta gift see; it's called Faith.

~

There is a great site called "All About God" that I like. Here is a link to their page about the gifts of the Spirit based on 1 Corinthians 12:8-10 : http://www.allaboutgod.com/gifts-of-the-spirit.htm

Maybe you'll find something there too. A gift, that you can share.

obeedúid~
31/may/09

With the morning comes resolution.

The only things that has felt right lately are Yeats, Church and an Ol' flame I thought had had enough water pored on it to stop smoldering.

What do I know.

I'm going with plan B. The Pneumatic Thoughtform Project is just not ready to go public. I can't put it out there just to put it out there. It has to be right.

So I'm off to Wally-world to pick-up a portable DVD player. My contribution to the Art Show for the moment will be as Dennis suggested: VideO'ems.

The Glass will go back into the darkroom for now and I intend to focus on what feels right.

;)

Markle.

Having Pneumatic Second-Thoughtforms....

Today was abysmal. Nothing worked. I wasted most of the day resurrecting my computer. Silly me, I thought I might like to have a background behind my blog. Little did I know that the free program that said it could do it for me had built-in Keystroke Shadow tracking that I had no control over. When my Virus program quarantined it it also quarantined Microsoft Explorer. Now I don't use Explorer and I never will; but you can't run a Windows computer without Explorer at least running in the background. That's just the way those sneaky bums at Microsoft set things up. Either you do as you are told or your Computer is D.O.A.

Devo and I had to remove the Hard-drive, plug it into his Computer as a stand-alone harddrive, copy off what I could save and REFORMAT back to 2004 from scratch. I have spent the past few hours trying to reconstruct what I could of my Firefox set-up. All of my Bookmarks and saved Links are permanently gone. FUN!

While I was stewing about doing this when Devo got home to help I tried to focus on the Glass Etching. It is not going well either. I am now convinced that this technique is flawed. I have enough knowledge of this sort of thing to be able to make it work, and I followed the provided instructions to a "T" but the results were unsatisfactory.

I still intend to show the piece but I am not as pleased as I thought I was going to be with the end result. O.K., I have HIGH expectations but in my opinion this was a basic starter project. I stuck to words and avoided complex graphics on purpose. I figured I would work up to that.

What I think I will work up to is a different system.

ARGHHHH!
( 'xcuse me...)

Not-so-obeedúid~
29/May/09

Sometimes experience can be a encumbrance.

I spent most of Tuesday night Wednesday morning battling my own preconceptions. My extensive knowledge of old-school Graphic-Arts techniques proved to be a problem. I made some assumptions based on years of working with similar materials that caused frustrating sidetracks and waste.

Part of the problem was the result of unspecific directions, some of the hindrance was because I read the instructions, realized there was information missing and assumed incorrectly what the solution would be.

Fortunately, knowing what the expected result was supposed to be allowed me to persevere. If I was unfamiliar with the process I might have had an easier time of things, but I am convinced that without my background I wouldn't have been able to work my way out of things.

At any rate, after spending the first night determining exposure times through means of stepping out a test strip, then doing the work repeatedly until I was satisfied with the results; I have arrived at a midway point.

The process having involved darkroom techniques I did not attempt to take pictures of that part of the project.

As you can see I am now at the stage where I am readying myself to begin aligning the stencils to the transparencies that I have positioned on the glass. The next day or so will be busy and intense. Working vacation don't you know.

I started by attaching the spacer/bumpers by aligning them and stacking the sheets of glass until I had enough surface for the text of the poem. I ended up with 10 layers but I may add a layer on the top or more than likely the bottom for effect.

Once I had them in position I spaced them by shifting the circle about 1/2 an inch around the diameter of the circle. The effect as you can steps up and down the perimeter. The poem steps down through the interior in the opposite direction of the spacer/bumpers.

I intended to create a piece specific pedestal but time may not allow for this with Sundays deadline looming.

We shall see what I come up with under pressure. I really haven't eaten well during the process until I had a burger with the bIRD tonight at Smitty's after Poetry. I really have to finish this soon or I may starve physically while I am nourishing myself spiritually and artistically. I cant help myself. When I get into something like this I go into a creative trance and the house could fall down around me. Saturday night or Sunday morning I expect I will come out of this thing drained and with a completed sculpture. Hopefully it will be something I am satisfied with.

I have to keep in mind that this is the beginning of a new direction and this is the first effort. Future works will become more polished/crystallized/honed.

obeedúid~
28/may/09

"The Pneumatic Thoughtforms Project" has moved into production!!!

I'm locked down. The shades are drawn. You may not enter the room while the red light is on.

I'm starting the first Pneumatic Thoughtform Poem stencil today.

I discarded my old Photography Darkroom equipment some time back so I had to make do by purchasing a red party light from the hardware store.

I'm not so sure what the temperature of the room is going to be like tonight, when I reach the point of exposing the transparencies.

The Air conditioning is based in the kitchen and circulated by ceiling fans.

Exposures are being made with the door closed.

Maybe I'll loose some of this love handle I've been cultivating

;)

obeedúid~
26/may/09

Memorial Day and I'm just hangin' out....

My trip to Washington and walk along the Potomac had to be postponed due to scheduling factors at Devin's work places. The year 2012 will mark 150 years from the time that the Gilmour letters were written and James fought and died during the civil war. I still have time to follow a chronological walking in his footsteps and thankfully the time to plan it well enough to enjoy the walk also.

This blog has veered from its from its original focus over the past few months and become more of a traditional blog in that I am posting random things that interest me and keep me busy emotionally and creatively.

I will continue to post on The Gilmours/O'Brien's as well, but in November of this year I intend to start a related blog that will contain the Gilmour letters and documents posted 150 years to the day of their original creation. Complete with ephemera that I have collected along the way having to do with each letter and the location of its writing.

I also have letters from my Dad to his parents during WWII that I intend to treat similarly. There may be some love letters around to my mother as well... ;)

~

I don't want to abandon this blog or create a new separate one for my other pursuits. I've become accustomed to being a "Glebe Homie". This space is my place. Where I think, grow and contemplate the world. I'll try to mix things up more for the sake of the different audiences I have cultivated from around the world, but I gotta be me.

Not perfect, hopefully genuine.

~

I went out to the family grave-site today for a prayer and some pictures. I imagine we will be revisiting here as a family soon. When my sister spoke with the folksy curator /caretaker the last time she was up and she had to push for a map that indicated the exact location of all our plots. There were some discrepancies but we seem to finally have an accurate map. There is a row of plots behind this one on the other side of what is designated as a walking path.


I have visited enough of my ancestors plots to realize ours is not the same as the larger cemeteries as far as organization and professionalism. The other thing I have come to see is the importance of headstones and the information on them. I can't tell you what a letdown it can be when you approach a family plot and find no stone or stones.

There is something to be said about no headstone. It can be a valid philosophical point of view; but headstones like funerals are not for the living.

When I find a long lost relative, and their final resting place, it completes a part of me. It makes me more whole. I know where I came from and therefore who I am.


So spread your ashes on a mountaintop, but leave a stone if possible. Not for you, for your children's children.

obeedúid~
25/may/09

Glitches? We don't need no stinking glitches!

The Church parade float that Steve, Lynn and I were painting most of last week came out great! The parade came off without a hitch. Thanks to the rest of our impromptu committee as well!

The Donut Sales crew netted 100.00 profit for the general church fund. YEE-HAA!

(...the exception on the glitch front was me trying to blo bubbles from the back of the float while I hung on to the banners so they didn't rip in the wind, I INHALED more bubbles than I managed to blo!)

GULP! :0

Someone, (who has chosen to remain anonymous) rang the bell as we passed the church and it was awesome! I got all choked up and thats pretty cool!

~

I have been trying to re-devote myself to my spiritual disciplines of late. As I clean out my body of the addiction to Cigarettes I find I need prayer of some kind to help me on my journey towards healthfulness. I was asked to join the Worship Team again and I said yes. After prayer and soul searching I decided that I would best serve the congregation by creating devotional videos. We have long sought to find some way to bring multimedia into our old-school worship and I have wanted to move in this direction for longer than I can remember. Some road blocks have been removed recently and this week was my first chance at taking the leap.

Here is what I came up with:

~

There was a commotion with a young man drinking and driving out front last night which involved a Tow-truck under my bedroom window at 1:30 in the morning.

Mid-night glitch!

No rest for the bleary-eyed!

~

When I finally got up this A.M. and I realized that I hadn't calculated the planned running out of my Nicotine-Tabs correctly. I was going to sweat the nicotine out this week while I'm on "Vay-cay" but I didn't want to start this morning when I was under pressure to pull off something for the first time.

There wasnt any coffee in the house either. No nicotine, no caffine... I just gotta get rid of both of these monkeys THIS WEEK!

I stumbled around half dressed and half-witted. Finally I got in the car and ran to the store but the Nicotine-safe was locked and no-one had the key. I drove to Guilderland! On the way back I stopped and grabbed a Coffee at the Stewarts Shop.

I changed my shirt, combed my hair and figured all the glitches were glitched.


RIGHT!

~

This morning in church, after spending much of last evening after the parade thinking I had worked as many glitches as I could between the projector and the laptop, I had unforeseen problems anyway....

First the monitors wouldn't size right to the wall space. (this is one of the things I thought I had already worked through....) Then the choir director wasn't clued to my cue. Not a problem. Pastor handled it with a separate transition.

Now here is where the final reading from (The Message) Ephesians 23 echoed what happened during my reading from John:

"He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. At the center of all this, Christ rules the church. The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ's body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence."

I forgot to plug in my peripheral! There was no sound at first! I maxed the Laptop, held it up in the air and started fumbling with the wires....

Finally about half way through I realized I had not plugged in the speakers....

Oh well, we can't bring the Congregation into the 21st Century without a few stumbles along the way.

I think the Lord will bare with us.

After all: "He is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything."

~

Off to Sunday Four Poetry Reading. Glitches or no Glitches!

(I wonder if Yeats ever had glitches?)


obeedúid~
24/may/09

I had a flashback today....

I have been thinking allot about my Mom lately. On Mothers Day we spent the time hanging out at the house and eating dinner. Everyone was there. I was going to do a post then but I hadn't put together enough pictures that I had scanned, touched-up and edited to be happy with anything.

The Pulmonary Fibrosis is progressing pretty much like we figured it was going to. Its scary for her. Its scary for my brother Richard who lives with her. Its scary for all of us.

This Morning I was standing in the Parking Lot outside the Store doing my morning entranceway clean-up, when I looked up at the horizon and flashed back to my childhood. Suddenly I remembered walking down the stairs in my parents house before school, smelling bacon, hearing WROW and Ray Falconer doing the Weather and Farm report. Just as I used to reach the kitchen every morning , or it seemed like every morning, they would play "Oh what a beautiful morning!" or something similar.

So when I heard that song in my head this morning I knew what I would do.

Love you Mom!

obeedúid~
20/may/09

In memory of my metabolism....

"Waste"-line...

The events that were soon on top of him:

He somehow finds contentment

among the neo-Lethean foliage

for all his purchased pains

by every woman's temperament

in a cistern of hearts

The chill in his bones

is matched only by the love

handle around his waist

that waited half a century

for his metabolism to slow

If he no longer reaches

the topmost bough

this is yet to show

whether or not he has

thirty years to go

and maxims to meditate

while walking barefoot

through the marble dew

as he will never have enough

of women's love

so must settle

while the body settles

for children's gratitude

a burgeoning belly

and the extravagance of breath.

obeedúid~

18/may/09

Reports of my arrest have been greatly exaggerated....

Last night we were watching the 6 o'clock News. A report came on that "Mark O'Brien" had been arrested for raping a 13 year-old mentally handicapped girl.

Heres a link to the article: http://www.cbs6albany.com/news/queensbury-1263366-raping-girl.html

This guy has been the bane of my existence for years! When I went to buy a house he had bashed my credit all-up big time!

Now here he is doing the thing I most abhor. Taking advantage of the undefended. The least, the last and the lost.

This is what happens when you have a common Irish name. This is why I go by "obeedúid~". Can you blame me?

When I first went to buy a home I found that I had defaulted on a 30 mortgage when I was 11 years old!

Once, a co-worker handed me and obituary from the daily newspaper with my name on it. If I hadn't known better I would have believed I were dead!

If it can be said that some do good and others do otherwise, perhaps I am working the good side while he is doing otherwise. I hope this guy gets the worst punishment if its true. If they can prove he did this horrific thing then string him up by his thing.

I am compassionate as is possible in todays world, but one thing I can't forgive is the abuse of an indefensible child.

Just because I share the same name with this guy I somehow feel guilty. Don't joke with me about this one folks. I'm not gunna find it funny. It's sick and it makes me want to retch!

obeedúid~
15/may/09

I bought the ultimate Man-Tool yesterday!

An Infinity NV29 Vacuum.

The tag line says: "No Loss of Suction..."

"It has 24 Cyclones to trap dust and dirt so Infinity never loses suction..."

The literature states: "Other vacuums claim to maintain powerful suction, but after just a few rooms they lose suction. Year after year Infinity never loses suction."

In other words: Infinity Vacuums Suck! They suck so good that as I was passing the couch I engulfed the throw right off the couch and into the NV29 before I realized what was going on....

This of course broke the brand new Motor Belt. Fortunately, they supplied me with a spare. Replacing the belt was surprisingly easy though! The bottom of the machine is made to be opened easily so fixing it was finished in 5 minutes. No problem!

Both the Dog and the Cat have bought into the marketing magic. They are convinced that it sucks too!

It sucks SOOO GOOOOD I think if I'm not careful I will be pulling pictures off the wall!!!

ARRRRUE! AR-AR-AR!

(Tim the Toolman Taylor would be proud!)

...and I don't have to be embarrassed by the fact that I am in love with my new Vacuum! After all, its a Man Vac!

...honest...

I think the two of us will be very happy together. I look forward to a long relationship with little or no arguing and plenty of long walks in the rain....

;)

obeedúid~
08/may/09

The boy with a crack in his heart.

I continue to be heavily influenced by Yeats. The original to this poem is actually much longer than the VideO'em. I post them both here so you may contrast the two. Obviously the self imposed style and length of my videos which the bIRD has labeled "future primitive aesthetic" forces me to work with a finite quantity of words. This then necessitates creating two almost completely different poems. "Variations on a theme" if you will.

How the poet was hit in the head by the rock he threw:

How could he be so ignorant

of the old stone cross he bares

How could he live so innocent

of the world asleep unawares

Loam rises up while

arbutus tumbles down

the ever-changing surface

the loosening of the ground

The boy with a crack in his heart

the man looking back at the start

the wane of love having besot them

their weary souls must part

The naive years

of youth that come to naught

awaken old memories

fierce and lofty calling to the mind

old words

like children who've strayed

If we blame love

we may as well blame the wind

for the infinite shape

of words.

I have stayed away from Yeats for most of my life. To begin with, I have been told many times that we look similar. Over the years I have been told that my poetry resembled Yeats's as well. At this point [age] in my life I am no longer intimidated by the idea of influence. I am convinced that I will absorb and continue to metamorphose as a Poet. I can't be separated from "The Collected Poems" at this point. I carry it everywhere. If at 51 Yeats had 30 years of love and productivity ahead of him then perhaps I will also.

My favorite poem at the moment is # 93 "Words". It speaks to me as if I had written it myself. In fact I have. In many other poems with many other "Words".

obeedúid~

07/may/09

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

Just found this feature and I'm trying it out...

AHHH! Satire at it's finest.

obeedúid~
06/may/09

I stuck it to the Pharaoh today!

I called up my Credit Card Company, payed off my balance in full and canceled my account.

They asked me why? I said I had no need to pay them the percentage rate they told me I had to pay because they screwed up.

They said they would lower my rate.

I said "No, thats alright, even if you did I would still have to pay you a fee each month just for the privilege of having your leach in my pocket.

They said they would not charge me a fee for three months if I didn't cancel my account.

I said "NO THANK YOU."

They said they would not make me pay a fee for six months!

I said "STILL NO!"

They started to offer me a year....

I said "NO,NO,NO!" AND LAUGHED OUT LOUD INTO THE PHONE!

I haven't felt so empowered in years!!!

Render that Pharaoh!

I just left Egypt and I'm on the way to the promised land!!!

Milk and honey anyone?

obeedúid~
04/may/09

Eulogizing my habit.

I was sitting on the front steps tonight watching the sun go down and enjoying the mild weather.

Rodger offered me cigarette and I tried a puff.

YUCK!

Pahtooweee!

(I was curious to see if I had any desire anymore.)

Balech!

I had to RUN upstairs and brush my teeth!

(Ick!)

5 months on the 5th!

obeedúid~
01/May/09

Moving right along...

THE MARK 1000 CAME TODAY!!!!

I haven't set it up yet, and I still need to get a Red Light, but I checked everything out and I am reading the manual. I still have to procure the clear rubber feet I will use to separate the panes of glass. I intend to stack the sheets and line up the clear rubber feet as I stack them.

36 pieces of glass may not be enough!

obeedúid~
30/apr/09

"See past my surface. See what is valuable. See me."

I hang with Theologians and PHDs. I am secure in my identity and have enough self-esteem to take a joke. Even when its a mean spirited and derogatory put-down. I consider the source. I've been through a lot in my life and witnessed enough, observed enough, and had enough of human nature to know how the petty dynamics of unhappy people can become group-think.

Rumors and gossip hurt the perpetrators as much as the perpetrated. A jokes a joke until someone gets hurt. If I deluded myself into thinking that people don't talk behind my back, or that when they do it actually reflects what I am under the surface, I would hide in my room for the rest of my life. Human nature sucks most of the time.

For the most part I consciously choose not to participate. Sometimes though, even the basest of my humanness surfaces and I find myself condoning by silence. Sometimes out of some inmost frustration I chime in with my own two cents. Difference is, (I fool myself into thinking) that I am mostly penitent upon reflection afterwards and will more than likely be moved to apologize depending on the egregiousness of my transgression. Even when the person to whom I have felt such feelings is unaware.

The healthy way for all concerned leads me to apologize to my God; rather than cause hurt by making the instrument of gossip conscious of the offense they were unaware of. Would that others felt this way as well.

I do what I do for a living because it affords me luxuries that most people do not consider luxuries. I have a roof over my head, people I love, and intellectual and spiritual fulfillment. That is what I require to get up in the morning and go to work. I don't measure myself by my toys.

When someone who doesn't comprehend the big picture the way I do states what they perceive to be a truism about me to build their own self esteem I normally don't give a rats-arse. I can take it.

I know that at this point in my life if I want to be a jerk I can. I try not to be but if thats how people perceive me I don't care. Life goes on. If being a jerk is what is required of me to protect the ones I love; my priorities are always with the ones I love and not with other peoples opinions.

When someone I love gets upset because I am being made fun of or put-down, I guess I have to do something about it. Not for me but for them.

You know who you are. You have to live with you. I can live with myself because I know whats under my hat. I also know what is under yours.

Take a good look at the photograph in this post. That hat is your size....

:O)

obeedúid~
30/apr/09

"When you're finished here, you can come over to my place..."

I can't count the number of times, when a woman has seen me pushing a broom or a vacuum at the store and jokingly said: "When you're finished here you can come over to my place and do my house too..."

It happens alltha-time...

At this point I normally stutter something unintelligible and smile. Later, I find myself mumbling under my breath about another wasted opportunity gone awry.

Lately, the new me (Post Ireland) has been attempting a solution. When the situation arises, (...and it does frequently because most people think it is original and witty...) I now reply with: "Well, perhaps if you take me to dinner and a movie first; maybe we can work something out..."

The older women (mostly my little 'ol lady fan club from Church) giggle and grab my arm as if they're making for the door right then and there!

Women at or near my age smile and flirt back; but as yet no-one has taken me up on the offer....

They can't really complain obviously because they initiate the conversation in the first place. Even married women. I just love turning things back to them the most. It puts them on their heals and if they have any moral character at all they back peddle at light speed.

No worries here of course, because I do have moral character and would never agree to a situation like that going any further. I'm sure I could save us both by stuttering myself out of it with a blush at any rate.

The guys in the back room are going to start a pool to see which happens first: Someone makes a date with me; or someone slaps me. The odds seem to be in favor of me getting slapped.

Hopefully, the right woman will walk in someday and I'll take on another cleaning job gratis.

Until then I'm working on getting my kids to let me date again. Oh Yeah, didn't I tell you? I'm on probation. It seems I'm easier to live with, when I'm not in one of the emotion-sucking-vortexes which I tend to tumble into.

Remember those black and white spinning circles at the beginning of the twilight zone? I don't, honest I don't. I'm just doin' my job here. Pushin' my broom. Vacuumin' this here rug.

When I'm finished here....

obeedúid~
28/apr/09